My... how time flies.

We've had a very busy weekend which will give us several days of blogging material - our first weekend retreat, finding out who crocheted the pink/white afghan, Paul's first "official" nap, Kensi's second doctor visit, prep-work for our Creative Memories event this upcoming weekend, the finalization of her 'official' birth announcement (meaning, a non-blog version... yes, we're going snail mail), our first of three post-adoption home study meetings, the great 'explosion' of 2009, and so much more.

We have reached another milestone in the adoption process and would like to share with you some of our thoughts (especially for those of you in this process - whether you are adopting or opting to adopt).
Fear: fear is the uncertainty, the unknown, the 'will they pick us', the 'what if they change their minds', the 'what if everything goes wrong'. Courage: courage is being able to get to the other side of fear. If there is one thing we have learned in this, it would be… you must trust. In the adoption process there is a time when the bio parents can opt to parent instead of adoption. This period of time varies by state, but is something everyone goes through.
For us, yesterday was the day. While we have been in ongoing communication with Kensi’s bioparents, we've felt very comfortable that this day will come and go. But still... you hold your breath a little, that is fear. I look at it similar to a graduation... you know you're going to graduate. The date is set. Invitations sent out and your guests have arrived. You have your cap & gown on... and yet, you're still a little nervous. Is this going to happen? Can the plan change? In 99% of instances... you graduate, as planned, and move forward. But on that rare occasion, the paper work comes back and you're shy a couple credits, and thus, won't be walking across the stage. Well, last night Chris and I graduated without any issues.

So. with that being said, we'd like to address our birth parents for the first time, via our blog.

S & S –
You decided that we are the right couple to parent your
child, and we are forever grateful to you (more than words could ever say) for giving us the opportunity to be a family. Please know in your hearts that Kensington will always have the best of everything that she could ever ask for: emotionally, spiritually, financially and academically. We will teach her love - respect for herself and respect for others. We will teach her how to laugh. We will take her to the shore and teach her how to make sandcastles and where to buy the best saltwater taffy on the east coast. We will teach her how to dance and sing just because it feels good. We will teach her anything and everything we possibly can and know that everyday she will be teaching us too. We will show her the world - literally. She will travel around the globe, because reading about a place or looking at its pictures is an unfortunate substitute to actually getting there and feeling the pulse of the place and absorbing its culture. She will receive plenty of hugs and kisses and a family who reminds her everyday what a truly special blessing she is and how many people love her.
We are committed to offering Kensi a life of unconditional love and constant nurturing. We believe that she should always know and feel your love and we will do everything we can to make sure of that.

Always in our hearts – Paul & Chris

P.S. To Kensi’s extended biofamily and friends (of which many are reading the blog), thank you for sharing in this experience with us. Peace & Love.

Chris Daughtry couldn't have said it better...

I'm going Home to the place where I belong... well, let me put it this way:

We're going Home to the place where WE belong.

We just got a message on the blackberry from our PA home study agency letting us know that we have clearance! In just a couple hours we'll be in our own space and able to put Kensington in her bassinet and roll it up to the bed. Oh... my Eddie Bauer Classic Goose Feathers & Down Pillow has never sounded so good.

This is like a bad Seinfeld episode...

wait... they were ALL bad!

Let the saga continue. We heard back from Interstate today. I'm cleared (Yippee). Chris is not (what the...?). On the application for clearance, his name was misspelled. I don't understand why is social security number wouldn't suffice... or why they couldn't run both "Christoper" and "Christopher". So... are you holding on tight? Chris has to travel back into PA to get rescanned, and we have to wait another 24 hours. Even though I'm cleared, they won't let me in the state with Kensington until Chris is cleared as well.

America runs on Dunkin DUNCAN!

Today we were able to see our 'little man', Duncan, and 'baby girl', Gossip. It's been a week since we've seen the kiddo's and we missed them terribly.

The day started off perfect (oh... and ended that way as well). Kensington slept throughout the night - well, Chris woke her up three times to feed her, but he got her before she cried for food. After her feedings and diaper changes, she quickly fell back asleep. He claims to have "figured this out".

This was the first day I'd been out of the hotel (and now beach house) before 10am. I have this weird thing about coffee. On my 1hr 45min trip into the office each day, I normally stop at Dunkin Donuts twice for an extra-large light & sweet coffee. If I have anything cold to drink in the morning before coffee, I can't drink coffee. If I don't have coffee before 10am, I can't drink coffee at all - but, if coffee is the first thing in my system in the day, I can drink it all day. It's the small OCD in me. Anyway. Today I had coffee from DD for the first time in a week. And they did it just right - Hallelujah!

We got up at the crack of dawn and drove to the truck stop at the NJ/PA border (yes... to those future adoptive parents reading this blog... Walmart, Chinese Buffets and Truck Stops will be a part of your story as well) where we met Dee. She watched Kensington while we traveled into PA to get our FBI screenings and a quick drive-by the house to see the kiddos.

When we got to "The Packaging Place" with the huge UPS symbol on the door, we went in and handed the guy behind the counter our registration paperwork and told him that we were there to get our screening. "we don't do that here."

I gasped! "The UPS website list you as a screening location and we called on Wednesday and were told to come in today."

"Sorry. We don't do that. You can check the UPS store in Mt. Pocono if you want." (which happens to not only be 20 miles west, but one of the places that said they were booked until Monday).

Chris and I were devastated! We traveled all this way to get the screening done and this isn't the place. I pulled up the UPS site on my Blackberry. "Chris... it says it right here. Eagle Valley Mall. Wait. The mall only says 'Eagle Vally Printing', nothing here says Eagle Valley Mall"

We traveled across the street into the other shopping center, and around the corner, in the back, we saw the REAL UPS store, and not just an authorized UPS shipper.

It ended up taking less then 2 minutes a person to get scanned. We told the UPS employee what happened across the street at she informed us that they have had constant issues with the owner of The Packaging Place. She told him that while she understood not wanting to send people to UPS if they are just shipping/faxing/copying items... but if people come in for FBI background checks, to please send them across the street. He refuses. All I have to say is - Karma!

After getting scanned, we called Interstate with our transaction numbers, along with Steven from Rep. Siptroths office with the same information and then headed to our home to check the mail and pick up a couple items.

We opened the garage door entrance into the house and we greeted by a very excited Duncan! After giving him a stuffed goose that we bought, we walked up the stairs into the house and was hit with a horrible smell. It's not the littler box. We walked around the house and it was something in the kitchen, but couldn't tell what it was. There was chicken in the trash that gave off a small odor, but there was something else. Something that smelled like death. And so it was...

Not visible to the us at eye level, but if you looked in the aquarium, at a certain angle, you you see two dead Tinfoil Barb fish (that were on the verge of dying before we left because the school of Blood Parrot Fish refused to let them eat) floating on the top of the water. It was the sickest thing ever! After spraying a can of Fabreeze, we rock/paper/scissored to find out who was going to fish (pun intended) out the dead creatures. I lost. Actually, with the smell in the house, we both lost.

We grabbed a couple more of the smaller outfits for Kensington, checked the answering machine, and were out the door.

As we were headed back to NJ, we got a message from Interstate letting us know that they have the scans and that it would take approx 24 hours to process through all of the systems (so they say), and we should be cleared by Monday afternoon. So... just a couple more days until we can bring Kensington home.

We got a lot of calls, emails and texts messages from people concerned about us. Thank you all... Know that we are fine. Know that Kensington is fine. Not being cleared by PA in time was a PA agency over site and an inconvenience, but not an issue in the adoption itself. I'm just happy that we'll be in PA within the two week period of her birth to see our pediatrician. We're looking at this in the best of light - it's just an extended vacation at a beach house (yes... with snow on the ground - and have you seen us. We're so white that people know we don't do beaches).

Kensington got her second bath today, and learned how to say "Daddy". Okay. I made that part up - she didn't have a bath today :)

Hugh HIGHS, followed by some LOWS...

Sorry folks for not posting a blog entry yesterday... Chris and I were hit with a small hiccup in the adoption process. The adoption itself is fine... it's the 'interstate' that we have an issue with.

In Tuesday's posting, I stated that the paperwork that was sent to PA was a courtesy filing and we didn't need to hear back from them before we can enter the state... well, that was incorrect. Tuesday evening Barb heard back from New York stating that we could leave the state. That same morning she heard from Pennsylvania saying that we were not allowed to enter.

The agency that we went with to do our homestudy [NOT Friends In Adoption... they're not licensed in PA so we used our a different agency for the homestudy process] didn't realize that on January 1, 2008, PA passed a law stating that we needed an additional FBI background check. Prior to this date, you needed to get state clearance from any state you lived in within 5 years - so we did all of the background work for for both Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

The person from PA Interstate rejected our application. Once we heard the news, it was non-stop phone work to get things worked out. The director from our homestudy agency informed us that they were not aware of the law change because a majority of their clients live and adopt within PA. Barb tried working it from her end... the director of the homestudy agency tried working it on her end, and Chris made some calls himself to get this situated.

Chris called the single representative for PA's Interstate and informed her that this was an agency oversight and asked what could be done. Getting the Cogent ID screening was a must. The only thing is, it takes 2-3 weeks to process it. Chris explained to the representative that this would cost us an additional $3,300 in hotel cost alone, not withstanding Kensington would miss her appointment with her pediatrician and she needed to see him within 2 weeks after the birth. "The child's feet can not touch PA soil without getting your Cogent ID screening approved."

Well... the funny thing is, we have to drive past our house to get to a Cogentid site (which is located in a UPS store?!?)

Chris called up several UPS stores (around 1pm), all which closed at 3pm on Wednesday, and asked what the possibilities were of getting screened. None of them cared about the situation we were in... and said we could come in at the next available screening time, which was Monday afternoon, which would now increase our hotel bill to approx $4,000. We did find one store saying that they didn't accept reservations, and the first opening was Friday morning.

Needless to say, things got a little emotional. The hotel was amazing, and said that we could stay as long as we needed to. We looked into downgrading hotel room (into a single room versus the suite we were in). They called us back and informed us that we could stay in our room and they'd lower the cost of the room - now the total bill would only cost us an additional $2,000.

Chris then called John Siptroth's (our State Representative) Office, and spoke with his Chief of Staff, Steven Washington, who he has a working relationship with. Steven informed us that his office has a relationship with Senator Casey and the congressional delegation that could help work this. We'd have to get scanned, and then called his office with the identification number so his people could call their people and than they can process it.

Then I was hit with an epiphany - if NY and PA didn't border each other, would we have to get clearances for any states we traveled through? So Chris called Barb and found out that we could travel to any state - even Hawaii - with Kensington. Once hearing this, we made some calls to our NJ friends and family and explained our situation. The one thing we've said over and over again, is that we have the most amazing friends ever. We were offered guest rooms, basements, etc. And we would have taken you all up on it. And then last night hit (see posting below). After Hurricane Kensington, I wouldn't dare bring her to our friends' houses (for a stretch of three weeks).

Another epiphany... we have friends who have a beach house that they rent out during the summer. Is it available? And it was.

So tomorrow morning we will meet one of our friends at the NJ side of the NJ/PA border to watch Kensington while we travel to the Cogent ID site and get scanned... then we'll call Steven and then the waiting game begins.

The good news is, my Primary Care Physician is an Internist and a Pediatrician, and he's already seen the prenatal medical records of Kensington and has them on file. While it's not the pediatrician she'll be going to, I know him and trust him and have a co-worker who has used him for years for her son.

So... it's just one small (or I'd say medium) hiccup in the process.

One down... two more to go.

Wow… I have so much to catch you all up on. Last Saturday, we had the first of our three “Homestudy” reviews take place. We made arrangements to meet with our social worker, Justine, at Starbucks located within a Barnes & Nobel just outside of the city. We were extremely nervous but were calmed when we were informed that this would be more of an informational type of meeting. What to expect from the agency, the forms that needed to filled out, what we need to put in our autobiography, etc. No biggie… right?

We arrived at the bookstore early than planned, so we headed to the adoption/parenting section to browse through some books. That’s when we found “ And Tango Makes Three” [see posting below].

Once it was time for our appointment, we headed to the semi-crowded coffee shop and instantly knew whom we were to meet. There sat Justine with a smile on her face and an expression of shear joy for the work that she does.

After we got introductions out of the way, and the logistical issues that we needed to collect/take care of, the conversation flowed to how we met, why we chose adoption as the route to start a family (versus surrogacy), what our individual strengths and weaknesses are, what the strengths and weaknesses of our relationship are, discussions about our families and the overall views of adoption, our stance on parenting and religion, and anything else that you may find on a episode of “In Treatment” on HBO. About halfway through the conversation, we could sense that everyone in the coffee shop realize what the three of us were discussing and the room seemed to go silent… which was slightly embarrassing when at one point the subject got a little emotional and tears started running down our faces. Thank God for crying children (that will be the one and only time that I say that) because its broke up the attention on our, and placed it on the table behind us.

All in all, it was a wonderful afternoon. We’ll be doing our home inspection towards the end of April / beginning of May, and spending the next couple weeks getting our portfolio ready.

On your mark... get set... Homestudy!

"I can only think of one thing greater than being happy and that is to help another to be happy, too." - Jim Thomson

Today we received a call from Debbie to inform us that she has been in touch with our HomeStudy social workers. Yes, Plural. How apropos. They are a huband/wife team and we have our first meeting with them next Saturday, March 1. Time to break out the crumpets.

Now calling number 127,442...

U.S. statistics show than in recent years, up to 127,441 couples/individuals chose to adopt and go through a home study review. I guess we are officially #127,442.

We heard back from an agency that has agreed to do our home study with us. Being that we are not within 30 miles of a major metropolitan area, we have to pay a additional fees cover the cost of travel time, etc. No biggie.

Chris spoke with one of the representatives and explained our story and where we are at in the process with our adoption agency. She was very open and made it a point to state that their agency has experience in same-sex parent adoptions and was excited that we had chosen them to partner with.

The initial materials are in the mail and we should be receiving them any day now. Over the coming days, we will schedule our physicals, arrange our financial documents and request a Police/Criminal Record Check.

Okay… here we go (deep breath).

As some of you know, we have been talking about starting a family for quite some time. After searching the internet for hours-upon-hours, visiting with adoption agencies, talking with birthmothers who made the decision of having adoptive parents raise their children, researching the option of surrogacy, talking with proud partners of adopted children… we finally came to the moment where we felt prepared to make the decision of which route our journey will take. As one could imagine, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions.

This past fall we traveled to Vermont to meet with one final agency. They hold a weekend retreat for prospective parents. It was truly one of the most humbling experiences as we listened to a birth mother share her adoption story. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. It answered so many questions and left us feeling very confident with the agency.

Well, today, we traveled to the outskirts of Albany, NY to sit down with staff at one of their satellite offices. After asking the remaining questions we had, which probably made us look so inept in the caseworker supervisor’s eyes, we officially started the process to become adoptive dads. We initialed, and initialed and initialed the multi-page agreement, signed the check, shed some tears and realized that our life has officially changed forever.
Over the next 2-3 months, we will be preparing for our home study. The law of every State requires all prospective adoptive parents (no matter how they intend to adopt) to participate in a home study. It is a detailed written report of our family compiled and prepared by a social worker. The adoption home study requires us to gather different documents, answer several questions, and explore our reasons for adopting. We will also be asking some of you to provide letters for our file. Through a series of visits and interviews the social worker hopes to put together a complete picture of who we are and what life is like in our family. During this same time frame, we will be putting together a portfolio, like a photo album with our story, for perspective birthmothers. These books then get distributed to up to 45 different birthmothers throughout the process.
Once the home study and the portfolio are completed, we become “active” and that’s when the wait begins. It could be days, weeks, months or even years… anything can happen. So, with a car seat properly installed in the back seats of our vehicles, we will be waiting by the phone. We may be privy to an instant baby (just add water and walla!). This is when a birthmother delivers a baby and then decides at that moment that adoption is best for her and her baby. She could either ask for portfolios to help her make a decision on who she’d like to raise her child, or have the agency place the child with the family who has the most like qualities. Another opportunity that may present itself to us is we can have a mother choose us at some point during the pregnancy. We would then build a relationship with her and would likely be there at the delivery.
We look forward to what lays ahead of us, and we couldn’t wait to share the exciting news with all of you. We have started our adoption blog and we’d love for you all to subscribe so you can take this journey with us.
Ways you can help:
1) Keep us in your thoughts and prayers… it may be a bumpy ride.
2) Tell all of your friends about us, and our story. The more people that know we’re looking to adopt, the better our chances. Our family at Friends In Adoption informed us that a many of their placement are often through referrals. While you yourself may not know of a birthmother your friends may hear of someone they know.
3) Please look over your pictures and send any you might have of us so we might consider them for our portfolio.



All our love – Paul and Chris







Us, signing the contract with Friends In Adoption