Monday, October 26, 2009


Yes. That is the reason that I’m giving for not updating the blog in quite some time. I have schizophrenia and it has squashed my creative juices. You laugh. Surely I must be joking. Well, I’m not quite sure. While I haven’t been officially diagnosed by my physician, I have been showing all of the signs that have been identified by WedMD. My psychosis distorts the way I think, act, perceive reality, and relate to others. That’s a problem.

You see, growing up gay in the south, I always wanted to move up the “the big city”. And now, New York is where I'd rather stay. As a kid, I was allergic smelling hay (and grass, as well as pine, dirt, and milk). I’ve grown accustom to, and adore, the panoramic penthouse view… family I love you, but give me Park Avenue.

And this is where my dilemma lies. There is this part of me that wants to get away from the rat race of the city, come out and breathe the fresh air, live in the sunshine, plant the little seeds in the rich brown earth and watch them push themselves up through the soil reaching up for the blue sky and the sunshine ‘til they become corn, and wheat and pumpkins. I’m about to say it for the first time… Farm livin' is the life for me. I wear overalls. Sit on a tractor. Milk cows and goats. Oh, the land spreadin' out so far and wide.
Sometimes I want to give up the big city… just give me that countryside.

I’m a walking mess. I can’t cook, I can’t sew, and can’t keep house. All I could do is talk Hungarian and eat hotscakes and vaffles.

The chores.
The stores.
Fresh air.
Times Square.

Pink Cottage.
No Wattage.
White Manor.
Zynga Banner.

Adopt a sheep.
Can’t get enough sleep.
Bales of hay.
Farmville… I can’t stay away.

So that is really the root of the problem. I guess it was easier for me to self-diagnose Schizophrenia, rather than to admit my Farmville addiction. For me, believing that I had an internal struggle with Oliver and Lisa Douglas in my head was much easier than typing away that each night after Kensington goes to sleep I spend the rest of my waking hours playing a computer game. I'm plowing and harvesting. I'm planting trees and building fences. I'm not alone... 5.2 million others are playing it as well.

I would have continued with my initial verdict, but then I realized that Lisa and Douglas were stuck in Hooterville, so that changed everything for me. I mean… some things I could deal with… but Hooterville?!?! I have to draw the line somewhere.

Unfortunately, I went a little too far. We went ahead and got a little Arnold the piglet.

I’m throwing out there to the world my New Years resolution months prior to everyone else. I will make sure I post a new entry at least once a week from here on out.