Sunday, January 30, 2011
Finger Lick'n Good
Wanting to do something special for Loni for mustering up the courage to tour in our Red State - in an area of the Keystone where the banjo could be considered the state instrument and people here do believe they can see Russia from their house, my first thought was roses. It’s nice, it’s warm, it’s… well, it’s the white thing to do. So scratch that. So what do you get a B3 (Big, Bold, Black) Diva? Anything she wants. And knowing Loni from the show, there was only one thing that would comfort here while looking out at the sea of Caucasians in the crowd – a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yep, I said it.
So, making a 25 minute detour in the snow, we headed to KFC, picked up a bucket of mixed thighs and breasts, and rushed to get to Cove Haven by 7pm. Penning a note on a ItsDaddies.Plural note card, I told her what I big fan I was, and that yes, the chicken was safe to eat.
We arrive at the sold out 1000 entertainment hall with 10 minutes to spare. We grab our chicken and camera and rush into the building. It was completely empty, except for the three stage hands that were setting up for the band, and one sitting at one of the 125 tables. “um… we’re here for the show. Is this the right place?” He said we were in the right place, but we should head into the side door, which was the conference area. Conference area it wasn’t, it was more like a conference room. And this conference room was being turned into the Green Room for Loni and the others. Chris and I just look at each other. An older gentleman, John, was in the room and asked us what we were doing there. “We need to drop something off for Loni Love who’s performing here tonight. Are we in the right place?”
“Yes, the band starts at 8:30pm and the Comedians go on at 10pm.”
I shoot Chris an evil eye. He made the reservations and put it in his phone as 7pm, which happened to be the time we needed to leave the house, and not the time we needed to be in the boonies.
“What do you have for Loni?”
“Chicken.” A look of confusion pans his face.
“Are you delivery guys?”
“No, no, no… we are here for the show. For some reason we thought it started at 7pm. We just need to drop this off for her.” Still, a look of confusion. This poor guys was probably just walking through the room at the same time we are and now we’re trying to explain why we’re delivering a bucket of KFC to one of the headliners performing.
“Loni knew we were coming to the show to see her tonight and, knowing that we’re out in the middle of no-where, she asked if we could pick her up some KFC.” (Okay, so I lied. Again, who is this guy and what does it really matter).
“Oh, do you guys have comped tickets?”
“No, we’re just big fans and catch Loni's show anytime she’s performing on the East Coast. Every time we see her, we bring her a bucket of chicken… it’s kinda our thing. We knew we were going to be here tonight, so last night she sent me a text message asking if I could pick this up for her.”
“Oh, okay. Is this her dinner?” (oh God. What if they have something planned for her already and they stop making it because of this).
“Not sure. But knowing Loni like we do (where is all of this coming from???), I would have something set up for all of the performers and have this on the side for her. She’ll pick a little bit of everything.”
And with that being said, we turned around and headed to exit the building to try to find something to do for the next 3 hours before the show really starts. I detoured to the bathroom and Chris followed. “What was that? Do you know how many lies you just told?” , “Chris… I wasn’t lying, I just fabricated the true a little. It isn’t going to hurt anyone. That guy will leave the bucket on her table and if she eats it, she eats it. If not, no big deal. I’m sure he’s not going to have any interaction with the entertainment.” Chris starts to freak out. This isn’t the first time I’ve done something like this in the past 13 years we’ve been together, so I’m not sure why this is coming as a shock to him. Though, he's still recovering from the incident where I had a gallery owner thinking we were going to be buying two art pieces that were only $35,000 a piece. I got her down to $60,000 for the set and told her we needed to talk to our accountant first before we made that large of a purchase while we were on vacation. That woman is still probably waiting for us to come back since she gave us the account information on where to wire the funds to. They would have looked really great in our house. Too bad we don’t have the $60k to blow on something like that :)
Laughing as I exit the bathroom, the guy, John, was there. “Excuse me, since we have some time to kill before Loni goes on, can you tell us where in the resort we can get some food?”
“Well, guest of the Resort are eating in the main dining room now, which is that way (as he points in one direction), and we have a café in that building there (pointing in the opposite direction). I was going to eat in the main dining room tonight, but now I’m having second thoughts. Why don’t I walk you guys down to the café.” Chris pinches my arm behind Johns back. “Actually, since you guys were so nice by bringing something for Loni to eat tonight, dinner is on me.”
“Oh no, seriously. We couldn’t.”