Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Who do you think you are?

(Music that inspired this post: Bruno Mars; Grenade. Hit play to listen to a great cover of the song while you read. Think of it as mood-music)



While sitting in an off-site meeting, I saw my blackberry’s red alert light going off, followed by a vibrating pulse. The pulse kept coming so I grabbed my phone and hit silent. Knowing how rude it is to be checking email while in a meeting, I waited until the break to scroll through the list of work and junk emails. I saw that I had a message on our It’s Daddies site referring to our A sad ending to 2010 post, and the author of the comment was Anonymous. This isn’t the first time someone left an anonymous message. Some people leave them so they don’t have to log-in to the system, but they identify themselves in the message. Mazha would do that all the time. I decided to read the post before heading back into the meeting since 99.9% of them put a smile on my face, (and because of the subject matter of the meeting I was in, I needed a little pick-me-up). This is what I read:

Now, my initial thought was to walk (okay, more like run) through the hallway to see if someone left their computer on in their office so I could log into the site and delete it immediately. This is just one more reason why I can’t stand the Blackberry. It’s impossible to go onto websites when you’re connected to a company’s server. Then, I decided it wasn’t worth reacting to and I should just laugh it off. The next four hours I wish I would have heeded my own advice. I sat behind the table in a board room fuming with disgust. Knowing that this wouldn’t be the best time to add my input into any conversation, I sat in my chair, head looking down at my notepad, and took copious notes so I could follow up with people after the meeting.

When I got home I read the post to Chris and told him I planned on responding to it. Being the clearinghouse for my post, he suggested that I just delete it and forget about it. After 13 years, he should have known better (and Chris, when you finally do read this, don’t you even think of asking me to take this down). While I deleted it, I haven’t forgotten about it. Not one bit.And every time I hear Bruno Mar's Grenade, I can't stop thinking about writing a response - and so here it is.
You see, with today’s technology, NOTHING is Anonymous. When I first created the blog, I had no clue as to what I was doing. But through this process, I’ve learned a little bit about the hundreds of enhancements that are available to me as a blogger, such as the great FEEDJIT Live tool that I subscribe to (seen on the right toolbar), that not only tells me when people visit the site, but also their city/state/country. I liked it because of the great visual of the map… but it does something else. It provides me with that little thing called an IP address. Fortunately for me, when our fan “Anonymous” visited the site and left a message, they were the ONLY one that happened to be on the site, which made my investigation quite simple. You see, within 5 minutes of logging in through the back end, I was able to get “Anonymous’s” IP address, which lead me to another search feature of pulling the registered location addressing. Entering that information into Anywho.com (Thanks AT&T) and pulling a reverse look-up told us exactly who left this message.

The reason for this blog is so we can share our experience with others (what was meant to be just for the adoption process, and now our journey into parenting). Not to be rude - but I think after your post, I have every right – but no one asked you to check out our blog, or to continue to return to it, or to be a part of our lives. You’ve chosen to go the route you’ve gone.

For clarification, our daughter (no quotations needed, thanks), didn’t lose anything, but instead she had gained the world. She has been given opportunities, which unfortunately she would have never been exposed to. This is why so many birth parents take the courage step and choose to place their child for adoption.

When it comes to Kensington’s family tree, she will always know her roots, but her newly extended branches have lifted her up to the sky so she can reach for the stars. If you would look at this situation through the lens of reality instead of through the lens of cynicism, you would understand that. Because others have accepted this, she has a relationship with her paternal aunt, grandmother, great aunt, and great-grandmother and her maternal aunt, uncle, cousins, great aunts & uncles, great grandmother and many others. She knows her heritage and continues to learn through each family gathering.

And, just for your understanding, our daughter (again, no quotations needed) does have two daddies on her birth certificate. We were there the day she was born and have been there with her every day since. We are her parents and you need to accept it. We’re the ones wiping her snotty nose and taking her to the emergency room at 2 in the morning when she has a fever. We're the ones she is shoving 'already chewed up food' into (our mouths, that is). We’re the ones that have changed thousands of diapers (I posted the amount in one of our earlier blogs, but we stopped counting months ago) and attended parent/teacher conferences with her school. We are the ones using flashcard every day to increase her vocabulary and the ones instilling in her respect for others (something someone needs to assist you with). We’re the ones tucking her into bed each night and helping her say her prays for ALL of those that love her. She has a bio-mother and -father that are in her life, AND she has a daddy and a papa that bend over backwards to give her everything she wants and everything we’ve never had. S&S are not the only ones that have made great sacrifices, as all birth-parents do. We too have put our lives on hold for a great purpose… the purpose of raising a princess that will marry William and Kate’s first born (whether they have a son or a daughter). It’s our daughter’s birth-given right to marry true royalty.
“Guess it's okay for you to want to live an honest, open life” … honey, you don’t know me. My life, because of this blog, is an open book. Before Kensington, we had learned to live only half a life, and now you want to diminish the better half that we’ve built. Who do you think you are? Leaving comments like that, with the meaning of really leaving scars. So, "shame on me"? [that's the right use of qoutations] No thank you… shame on you! I feel bad for you. You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul. Again, who do you think you are?





To download the digital frame created by az_cosmos, click here
To download the green journaling digi, click here or visit trixie scraps to get the entire kit. Its part of their birthday bash collaboration.

24 comments:

Liz said...

Oh my word. THAH. NERVE.

Of course I want to know if it's someone you know. Why would anyone say those things but especially on the post reserved for comments and memorials to a loved one?

I can only conclude extreme jealousy of Kensington's cool pink car, whimsical socks, and multi-state birthday parties. With a dollop of mental illness. And obvs, a generous sprinkling of *said in a sing-song tone* clah-hoz-et ca-ase.

Edited to add:
My word verification is "dramatify". Hand to God.

Cindy said...

Never ever EVER let simple minded people get to you!! Those who know and adore you and Chris can see the truth and that truth is that Kensi is happy, healthy and loved beyond belief. As someone who placed a daughter for adoption I would have been honored to have you guys raise her. Although, you would have had to travel back in time like a gazillion years.

Love you all....lots.

Patti said...

So sorry for the ignorance of others. Your family is one others should emulate. You love your daughter like no other and her life is blessed because of you and Chris. You show us all what true family really means!

Kirsten said...

Wow, Paul, what a horrible post - I don't get people. But, more importantly - your post was absolutely beautiful and eloquent. May I have the name and address of anonymous? PLEASE!

Jennifer said...

You keep doing what you are doing and as Kensington grows and you watch her develop, it will diminish any scars this person may have left. You love your daughter (no quotations needed, of course) and giving her your love and commitment make...s her lucky to have you as I am sure you feel equally lucky to have her. Ignorance doesn't matter. Kensington is protected from people like anonymous by her loving parents and extended family, and that is all that matters. do not waste another moment on that person--you deserve better than anything he or she has to offer.

Nathan said...

Goodness gracious. It's shocking, sad, and infuriating simultaneously. I don't think we need to apologize for this person because we all know how wonderful Chris and you are to Kensi. She is one of the luckiest children in existence. Miss you all.

Anonymous said...

Well I will ID myself unlike your chicken$hi! "anonymous" commenter: my name is Tracey Williams. I have known you only from a distance having gone to the same high school as you & meeting you on a trip to NY with theater (Pro) where we left you to stay in the big city. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor with specialties in Marriage & Family Counseling & Neuropsychology. I have followed many of your blogs & been amazed & touched at the love you have for your child. She is lucky. She is blessed. She is loved. What you give her is more than many children will ever have. Like you said, it's shows the bravery of a parent to put their child up for adoption so they can have a better life. This person, this anonymous coward, can't understand love. You have nothing to defend because your beautiful child will grow up with values and morals that teach her acceptance and love. She will fall back on those lessons as she encounters anonymous idiots in her life. She will be strong, fearless and most of all she will have known the deepest bond any human being ever haves - the bond between a parent and child. (No quotation marks needed!)

Karen said...

Unfortunately, ignorance seems to know no bounds. Your daughter is a true testament to what great parents, role models and community members you and Chris are. As you know, we deal with the ridiculous adoption comments, too. It never fails to take my breath away that people can be so inconsiderate and ill informed. I'm glad you had the courage to respond to "anonymous!"

susan said...

well said paul.. kensi is a very lucky girl!!!

Ania said...

What a heartless, hateful blog! It saddens me that people are so ignorant! Kensi is so blessed to have two very loving parents who want the world for her, including a relationship with her biological family! Clearly something is so wrong in "anonymous's life". Your words are perfect and very well written! Chris should be very proud of you! I am! Love you, Kensi, and Chris!

Ashley Rose said...

It is unfortunate that there are so many ignorant people on this planet, and disappointing that so many live in the US. I don't know either of you or your daughter (and she IS YOUR DAUGHTER!) but from what I can tell, you are much better parents than many biological mothers and fathers are to their children, so kudos to you! I don't think many people understand how much of a blessing adoption is for people on all sides of the situation. My strong belief that gay and lesbian couples should have just as much right to adopt a child as a straight couple would may have lost me a "Miss *****" title a few years ago, but I proudly stand by it still. Those who disagree obviously live in a sad, cold, negative, empty world. You two go on being the best parents you know how to be!! (Kens is freaking adorable)

Erin said...

I'm sorry to see that someone would feel the need to judge your beautiful family. You and Chris know more about being parents then many biological parents. I wish my daughter was lucky enough to have a father like one of you are to Kensington. She is blessed and I have always felt blessed to have known the both of you. Sending you lots of love and support and to whoever posted it. If you are a parent may you child not learn your view of the world.

Julie said...

Oh yes Paul you have certainly done Kensi a disservice! (Pffft) All my time working with foster children, they we're much happier being bounced around from foster home to foster home or living in one of those fabulous shelters or group homes than living in a nice warm, loving home with two wonderful parents. (not directed toward Kensi's bio fam) It's narrow minded bigots like you, "Anonymous", that keep these kids in abusive foster homes or group homes that lack any and all affection. There are thousands upon thousands of kids out there praying to be adopted by parents as wonderful as Chris... and okay... Paul too. There are thousands of gay couples out there with hearts and homes big enough to adopt these children were it not for anonymous morons like you! Kudos to Kensi's bio parents for choosing, without prejudice, such a wonderful couple to raise their daughter. So, "Anonymous", for all those parentless children crying themselves to sleep tonight.... thank you!

CraftCrave said...

Just a quick note to let you know that a link to this post will be placed on CraftCrave in the DigiFree category today [02 Feb 12:00am GMT]. Thanks, Maria

Linda said...

Hello and Thank you for this frame...

Mike and Tony said...

I hate that you had to go through this experience, but as someone who is just beginning the journey to gay parenting I absolutely appreciate you sharing it. It reminds me that unfortunately there are still uneducated and small minded people in this world. I have read your blog from start to finish and it is clear from the posts and pictures that your daughter is as lucky to be in your family as you are to have her in yours.

Uncle Carmen said...

WOW. Luv u guys. Big hugs to Kens.

Kathi said...

well said...

Jackie said...

Paul and Chris - Don't let the moronic haters get to you. You have a beautiful family and THE MOST perfect, loving, gorgeous baby girl. She is becoming who she is because of Papa and Daddy and that says it all.

Carole said...

Keep the attitude Paul... I love reading your blog, by the way.

Kiki Raymond said...

Man, I'd have given anything to have you and Chris as parents! I would have saved so much money in therapy!

Diane said...

...that someone would be so rude as to judge your family. How ignorant!

As for "doing flashcards"...my son is 2 weeks older than Kensi and he loves watching YouTube songs to learn Colors & numbers. Check these out! (warning "fly little butterfly" will get stuck in your head")

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPAZHVNVJp0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dk9Yt1PqQiw

Anonymous said...

You are an amazing writer. It breaks my heart to see small minded people spew their ignorance. I don't know how I dropped on to your blog tonight, but I do know that thumbing through it makes me wish I had two Daddies. Your daughter is a very lucky little girl; and if only all the children in our world were cared for as much as she is.

Thank you.

Cate said...

The love that you surround your daughter with, the family that you have gifted her with - and the family she in return has given to you, is nothing less that a miracle.
Ignore the ignorant, the blind and the bigots. Embrace those who understand and support you.

- Cate