Saturday, January 16, 2010

Proud Pageant Dad

So, we're watching a marathon of Toddlers & Tiaras on TLC ...and there's this questionably heterosexual man who is the father of a young pageant contestant named "Bella." We watched in awe as this man made it painfully clear whom this pageant was really about. And then these words formed in my head, "Hello, my name is Paul and I'm a proud pageant dad." You see, with everything going on in my life right now, I need something that is JUST for me. I understand that that is totally selfish of me, and guess what, I’m okay with that. I’ve spent my entire life “leading to serve”, it’s time I now get serviced. I’m going to be a pageant dad!

I am a planner. This works well in some ways - my career - and not so well in other ways - when I drive loved ones crazy by having an agenda and timeline written out for everything. I’m not one of those spur of the moment types of guys. I need structure. I need… a plan!

Step # 1 – Go to Pageant and identify all of the pageants we want to win (if you want to be a winner, you better start acting like one. I’m not raising Kensington Grace to be a ‘runner-up’. That’s just another name for ‘first-place loser’). So I’ve entered Kensington in next month’s “Little Miss Star Eyes" Pageant. It’s local and it’s a great way to get her start. This way, in 26 years (yes, I’ve laid out a plan for this) when she wins Miss America, she can stand tall in her sash and crown and announce that she got her start as the real ‘people’s princess’. Starting at home and then taking the nation.

Step # 2 – I contacted Angela Milas with the PGP Group down in Georgetown. They are the leader in Pageant coaching. Only the best for our little Miss Kensington Grace. We met with her last week and Angela said that Kensington Grace is so perfect, there was nothing that her agency could provide our princess that she didn’t already posses. She has style, she has grace (Rita hayworth gave good face). Angela’s only recommendation was a trip to the spa to get Kensington Grace’s first… yes, her very first haircut and style. Unless she wanted to win the Little Miss Mullet contest, this was a must. We agreed.

Step # 3 – A trip to Aveda Spa and Salon to see Corrine. 12 months ago Corrine threatened Chris’ life by never touching his hair again if Kensington race went to anyone besides her for her first haircut. Normally, we don’t do well with threats but a gay man never, under any circumstances, pisses off his stylist. That’s in the top ten homo cardinal rules. So, with that being said, Kensington Grace had a 5:30 appointment last night. She did absolutely amazing… until out of nowhere she had a 30 second crying fit. I guess we need to revisit Angela Milas to work this out.

Step # 4 - Take the Pageant world by storm. Be on the lookout for our updates :)
(Special thanks to STEVE SILVERMAN, Writer/Director/Executive Producer of "Pretty The Series" for contributing (unbeknownst to him, I 'borrowed' pieces of his blog), to this post. I'm giving him credit now, so that makes everthing alright, correct? I caught his interview on the Frank Decaro show (Sirius XM) last week and couldn’t stop laughing. It was the perfect lead into Kensi’s first trip to the salon. Please check out his trailer below, and then visit Plus, you have to watch the series because there is a character named Parker Keninsgton-Parker, played by Terri Simmons.)


Steve S. said...

OK, I'm gonna allow you stealing from my blog ONLY because you not only gave me credit, you also put up our photo AND trailer and encouraged your readers to check us out. Otherwise, there'd be a HUGE lawsuit going on right now -- HUGE! Seriously, thanks for the shout outs -- you're PRETTY...


Anonymous said...

Toddlers & Tiaras is a GREAT show. It's like a car crash in slow motion. Plus, it reminds me of my favorite movie "Little Miss Sunshine."

Glad the haircut was a success!

Tricia said...

Ohh please please dont do this to your little girl! (screaming feminist trying to hold back!) Love your blog!

Jen said...

Just keep her off the pole.

What a cutie she is.

Leonard Okoth said...

Hey mate. first I want to say awesome blog. I don’t always agree with your opinions but it’s always a nice read. Keep up the good work. Sometimesyou must be similar in character will have suffering enough from the stern still ploughing and foaming through the press, take things calmly. This is what I’ve been looking for! Thank you so much for sharing this! I appreciate you as a customer for doing business with us... A customer is the most important visitor on our premises. Okay, go and signup on & give your valuable feedback on or blogs.

MC said...

back away from the crown...seriously back away! the toddlers & tiaras show just frightens me!! prep her for harvard, for glee club, for debate, but put the crown down!

Chris said...

Hello everyone, it's Chris, the other daddy. I wanted to share that I sometimes find myself laughing at Paul's writing and enjoy reading when you do as well. Then there are times when I find myself laughing even harder. Why you might ask? Well every once in a while Paul shares a post that sends even our closest friend in to hyper panic. They then silently send me messages asking if he is really serious. This makes me laugh hard as I truly appreciate their concern for both Kensi and me. After I craft a note reassuring them that it is Paul being Paul, I get a response with a loud sigh of relief. Come on guys – do you really think Paul would sign Kensi up for a pageant or that I would ever support it? Thanks for reading the blog! Keep those messages coming. I love the laughs.