What would you consider to be the best Nursery Theme?

Over the past couple of weeks, Chris and I polled our friends and family members via this site on what they would consider to be the best Nursery Theme? Astonishingly enough, over 70 of you voted and with 25% of the vote, the winner is “Noah’s Ark”. “Wish Upon a Star” was a close second with 24% of the votes and third place went to “Monkey Business” with 14 votes (18%). Chris is distraught because his personal favorite, “ ‘B’ is for Bear” came in 6th place with only 6% of the vote. I thank all my peeps for insuring this wasn't a top three contender.

Be on the lookout for pictures of the nursery online. I can’t wait to start painting (okay… I mean hire a painter)

:)

One down... two more to go.

Wow… I have so much to catch you all up on. Last Saturday, we had the first of our three “Homestudy” reviews take place. We made arrangements to meet with our social worker, Justine, at Starbucks located within a Barnes & Nobel just outside of the city. We were extremely nervous but were calmed when we were informed that this would be more of an informational type of meeting. What to expect from the agency, the forms that needed to filled out, what we need to put in our autobiography, etc. No biggie… right?

We arrived at the bookstore early than planned, so we headed to the adoption/parenting section to browse through some books. That’s when we found “ And Tango Makes Three” [see posting below].

Once it was time for our appointment, we headed to the semi-crowded coffee shop and instantly knew whom we were to meet. There sat Justine with a smile on her face and an expression of shear joy for the work that she does.

After we got introductions out of the way, and the logistical issues that we needed to collect/take care of, the conversation flowed to how we met, why we chose adoption as the route to start a family (versus surrogacy), what our individual strengths and weaknesses are, what the strengths and weaknesses of our relationship are, discussions about our families and the overall views of adoption, our stance on parenting and religion, and anything else that you may find on a episode of “In Treatment” on HBO. About halfway through the conversation, we could sense that everyone in the coffee shop realize what the three of us were discussing and the room seemed to go silent… which was slightly embarrassing when at one point the subject got a little emotional and tears started running down our faces. Thank God for crying children (that will be the one and only time that I say that) because its broke up the attention on our, and placed it on the table behind us.

All in all, it was a wonderful afternoon. We’ll be doing our home inspection towards the end of April / beginning of May, and spending the next couple weeks getting our portfolio ready.

It Takes Two To "Tango"

Today we've added another childrens book to our collection (now we just have to chose which room will be the nursery and start storing everything in there), And Tango Makes Three. The book is based on the true story of Roy and Silo, two male Chinstrap Penguins in New York's Central Park Zoo who for a time formed a couple. The book follows part of this time in the penguins' lives. This book teaches children that it's okay to be in, or know, someone who has a "non-traditional" family.

The pair were observed trying to hatch a rock that resembled an egg. When zookeepers realized that Roy and Silo were both male, it occurred to them to give them the second egg of a mixed-sex penguin couple, a couple which had previously been unable to successfully hatch two eggs at once. Roy and Silo hatched and raised the healthy young chick, a female named "Tango" by keepers, together as a family.

The book has generated controversy among parents in some parts of the United States... actually, the American Library Association reports that And Tango Makes Three was the most challenged book of 2006. Earlier this month, the Washington Post printed Two Guys and a Chick Set Off Tiff Over School Library Policy, which covers the story of the book being pulled from library shelves in Loudoun County elementary schools this month after a parent complained that it promoted a gay agenda.

QUESTION OF THE MONTH...

How would you answer this question?

Why do I have two daddies?

[Well, Sweetheart, families come with all types of people we love. Some families have two mommies or two daddies and a lot of families have one mommy and one daddy or just one mommy or just one daddy. In all of these families you have someone who loves you with all their heart. You have two daddies that love you very much, more than anything in the whole world. It does not matter which one you have, it only matters that you know you are loved. We were not able to bring you into this world without the help of a very special lady. So we prayed to God and asked him to help us find a special lady so that we could have you. We wanted you because you papa and I have so much love to give, and we knew that you would be the one we wanted to give it to. You have two daddies because you were loved very much by your papa and I.]

Will Study Give A Boost To Gay Adoption?

David Crary of Associated Press reported on a study which shows that adoptive couples spend more money on their children and invest more time with them through activities like eating and reading together, as well as discussing problems. The study was published in an issue of the American Sociological Review. It was funded by the National Science Foundation, the Spencer Foundation and the American Educational Research Association. Media that promotes the gay and lesbian community have been printing the article in full force. Their hope is that the study will help in the fight for gay adoption.

Each year nearly 20,000 youth age out of foster care at age 18 without anywhere to call "home." Without a support system and community services, they are at a high risk for unemployment, homelessness, poverty, substance abuse, and incarceration.

According to the American Psychological Association Policy Statement on Sexual Orientation, Parents, & Children, "there is no reliable evidence that homosexual orientation per se impairs psychological functioning. Second, beliefs that lesbian and gay adults are not fit parents have no empirical foundation." The Sydney Morning Herald has reported that only 50,000 of the 120,000 children available for adoption in recent years have found homes yet groups against gay adoption seek to reduce the number of available homes based on false perception and unfounded evidence about gay parents.

[source]

On your mark... get set... Homestudy!

"I can only think of one thing greater than being happy and that is to help another to be happy, too." - Jim Thomson

Today we received a call from Debbie to inform us that she has been in touch with our HomeStudy social workers. Yes, Plural. How apropos. They are a huband/wife team and we have our first meeting with them next Saturday, March 1. Time to break out the crumpets.

Helping the Stork!

Chris and I are in the process of putting together our "adoption profile". The adoption profile is a "resumé" of an adopting couple, usually 4-12 pages (knowing us... it will be more of a novel). It greets expectant parents who are considering adoption, gives some facts about ourselves, and shows in words and photos who we are. It is usually placed in an agency's portfolio along with profiles from other waiting couples, or can be strategically placed by us at at other venues or an attorney/facilitator. The profile can contain letters from each us, answers to questions posed by the agency/facilitator on the expectant parents' behalf, and photos detailing our lives together.

This profile can also be placed online, so when expectant parents are searching the internet, they can come across it and fall in love with us - I mean, who wouldn't.

So what makes a profile work?

• Inject humor.
• Show something unique.
• Find balance.
• Remove all hints of desperation.
• Accurately represent yourselves and avoid playing to your audience.
• Tinker ~ Advertisers know that tweaking just a word or an image can dramatically change results.
• Be just a bit quirky.
• Be brutally honest with yourselves about your profile.
• Get exposure. Become an ambassador for your agency. Keep pregnancy counseling brochures in your car so you can post them at libraries and community centers (with permission). [source]

www.ItsDaddiesPlural.com

Yes... I'm Pitiful (smile)

I just purchased http://www.itsdaddiesplural.com/, so be on the lookout for that site soon.

Also, I’ve gone ahead and created our own custom “It’s Daddies” store on Café Press.com
Feel free to visit http://www.cafepress.com/itsdaddies - Order what you like… or expect to receive these items in your stockings this year (ha ha ha ha ha)

Postcards From The Edge...

As you can tell, it's been a slow blogging week.
As stated in the beginning, there will be lulls in the process, and being that this is our official "adoption" blog, and not our personal day-to-day happenings, there will be some days that nothing will be captured on here. I know, I know - a tear is falling from my eye as well.

Being that today is President's Day, I've decided to catch up on some work and minor tasks that have been haunting me for weeks now, all while being comfy in my PJ’s, drinking my ump-teen cup of coffee, laying by the fire. It’s such a hard life to live.

Not to entirely happy with the initial artwork that Chris and I put up on this page, I decided to get artistic and update it. Walla! What you see above is the latest creation. Now that I was able to check that off of my to-do list, I went ahead and ordered our “portfolio postcards”. These cards get attached to each of our 50 portfolios (the story of our lives), and when a case-worker shares one with a potential birthmother, we get updated.

Some people just attach a generic postcard, or regular index card to be updated, but not us. We had to special order ours and on the back, we made it simple (and fun) for the case-workers to fill out.

Paul & Chris,
We are excited to inform you that a portfolio went to a perspective birthmother

from __________(state) on _________(date).
She is ________________ months/weeks along in her pregnancy.
At this time, the sex of the baby is unknown / a boy / a girl.
We'll be in touch,
________________________________

Calgon, Take Me Away!

Okay… between the 3000 calorie burning boxing game and sledding into a tree yesterday, I’m in pain.

This morning we were up before the girls were… 7:30. Not bad. I decided that I would make the coffee this morning and give Chris the morning off. I pour myself a bowl of some high-fiber/high-protein grain and splash some skim milk over it.

M2 came downstairs and Nickelodeon was back on. Zoey 101 was playing. Apparently a repeat as they claimed this was a “stupid one” – but watched it anyway. Chris headed off to an a.m. meeting for an hour and I played time-keeper for each of them to ensure they had equal “Webkinz and email” time. Chris was back and it was more Uno Attack. I love that game!

After I made sure they ate at least half of their portions of veggies on their lunch plate (come on… it was sugar-snap peas. It’s not like I gave them broccoli or lima beans), we bundled them up and headed back to the snow tubing mountain. We didn’t tell them where we were headed. It was a surprise.

Once we got there, Mollie got excited. I told her that now that Chris was here with us, I would be able to go tubing with her and if Meggy wanted to stay behind, Chris and she could do something else. Meggy decided to watch us come down the mountain once to see if she wanted to give it a try.

Mollie and I picked up our individual tubes that would zip us up the mountain. I made sure she was comfortable with going up the mountain alone, as there was not a group tube to go up (being that they had 6 and 7 year olds doing it, I knew that she’d be fine). Once we were up at the top of the mountain, Mollie started to look scared. I offered to walk down the mountain with her and she said no. I told her we could go down together on the family tube and that if she didn’t like it, we wouldn’t have to do it again. She agreed. We could see Chris and Meggy at the bottom of the hill (only because of Chris’s red vest), but they weren’t able to make us out. As we started down the mountain, I felt like this was going to be the one and only time down and she didn’t seem to like it. I was trying to show additional excitement to let her know that everything was going to be just fine. Halfway down the mountain, she started laughing. All was well.

Once we were down at the bottom of the mountain, the first words out of her mouth were, “That was so coooooool. Can we do it again?” Meggy, not being able to see us as we came down, was having nothing to do with it. Chris and she went back to the arcade and Mollie and I continued to tube down the mountain – together, of course – an additional 16 times.

As we got in the car to head home, they were already planning their next trip to see us. Bumper cars, tubing and horseback riding are their future plans.

This parenting stuff isn’t that bad…

OMG, OMG, OMG...

... my comments, not theirs.

5:45 a.m. – Chris is out of bed, in the shower, and then prepping for a board meeting. I hit snooze.

6:45 a.m. – Still hitting snooze on my Blackberry. Eyes crusted shut because I slept in my contacts and Chris enters to tell me that he’s headed out the door and coffee has been made.

7:00 a.m. - Praying that the girls are still in bed. Hit snooze again, promising it’s the last time. Whatever!

7:30 a.m. – The girls are up and Nickelodeon is on T.V. I head downstairs, pour a cup of the worst coffee I ever had (Chris and I are still trying to figure out what went wrong. I think he hit ’12-cups’ on the coffee grinder and used 6-8 cups of water).

7:32 a.m. – M2 says they’ll wait on breakfast. Good news for me as I need to make a fresh batch of java.

9:30 a.m. – So far we’ve watched numerous episodes of The Fairly OddParents and SpongeBob SquarePants (Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Absorbent and yellow and porous is he! If nautical nonsense be something you wish... Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!) Is it too soon for a Bloody Mary? I think not… but I refrain.

9:30 a.m. – Mary Cay calls. She’s headed to the beach. We look out the window and it’s snowing like crazy!

9:32 a.m. – I start breakfast. Scrabbled eggs, sausage, potato wedges, wheat toast, bowl of fruit and juice. The girls say, “do you have cereal?” I drink more coffee :o)

10:30 a.m. – 30 minutes after they have finished eating, we dip into the heated indoor pool. There is synchronized swimming movements, a made-up dance, hand-stands, flips, and piggy-back riding. Life is good.

11:45 a.m. – Out of the pool and now drinking hot cocoa. “Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?” is playing in the background. Honestly… why is there a pineapple house in the ocean? It makes NO sense. Life goes on.

12:45 p.m. – Lunch time. This time I ask them what they want first. I’m a quick learner. (smile). Corndogs it is.

1:00 p.m. – We’re out the door and headed to the arcade. I fill up an EZ Card with cash (what… no tokens anymore???) and we have the place primarily to ourselves. We spent 90 minutes playing Dance-Dance Revolution, Pin Ball, smash the gopher looking thing in the head with a big hammer, basketball, boxing (it says you loose an average of 3000 calories playing the game – I spent 7 minutes and not only was I out of breath but I was sweating like a racehorse and I couldn’t move my arms anymore. I KNOW I will be hurting tomorrow), air hockey, motorcycle racing, and more. What a fun-filled time. We counted up the tickets we won and I spilt my 200+ between them (after all that time boxing, it ended up being a non-ticket winning game. Tears flowing down my face).

2:30 p.m. - We head over to go snow tubing. Meggy sees the mountain and says “no way” which irritates Mollie. It was something she’s been looking forward to doing all week. I come up with at least 13 (yes, 13) different activities from going to the movies to visit the reptile and monkey farm. Everything Meggy wants, Mollie refuses to do. Everything Mollie wants, Meggy rejects. Oh… I see the game they’re playing. I refuse to play along. I put them back in the car and it’s back to the house we go.

2:45 p.m. Back at home. Hannah Montana is on the Disney Channel. I’m so confused as to who is who. First she’s Miley with Billy Ray Cyrus as a dad, and has three brothers that aren’t really her brothers and then she puts on a wig and he puts on a mustache and she turns into Hanna Montana and he turns into her manager and no one can tell it’s them? I just don’t get it. I blow up with a pump a “Surfster Ice Inflatable Snow Sled” (Thanks Jeff, for what turned out to be an amazing Christmas gift). The girls get excited. We head across the street to our neighbors house. They’re not here this weekend and they have a huge inclined driveway that is now covered with snow. I go first and build the path. They can’t wait to follow. I show them how to steer with their body weight and tell them that if they do think they are headed for a tree, to roll off. We each go a couple times and all is well. Now I’m going to do it and go with a running start. Not such a good idea. I head for a tree and I didn’t take my own advice. I slip off the driveway and into the woods I went. A pine tree stopped the sled… another thing to be sore about tomorrow. Meggy’s up next and she’s headed into the same path I just took. I yell “roll off, roll off”, but she stays on. I run down the driveways and end up slipping on the ice and now I’m sliding faster than she is… The sled hits the tree and a yell escapes her. I pick her up and she screams that her finger is bleeding and broken. I take off the glove – nothing. Then she laughs at me and says she wants to do it again. Thoughts of Mary Cay killing me run through my mind. I let them continue sledding, but only halfway down the driveway.

3:45 p.m. - We head back into the house and Chris calls to see if we’re home. He’s 2 blocks away.

4:00 p.m. - “Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?” Seriously folks… is this the only show on Nickelodeon?

6:00 p.m. – 2 games of Uno spin, 3 games of Uno attack, 2 bags of popcorn, and a tutorial of what Webkinz are. Dinnertime. Again… ask first. Pizza it is.

7:00 p.m. – Movie time. Disney’s Ratatouille, with a twist. (Chris wanted to watch Ratatouille, M2 wanted Transformers… so they told him we were watching Ratatouille 2, the non-animated version. He never bought it).

9:00 p.m. – Shower time (for us all)

10:00 p.m. – Bed (Thank God!)

O-M-G, L-O-L, B-F-F-L...

God... please let us adopt a boy.

Tonight was the first night Chris and I tag-teamed baby-sitting the Mollie and Meggy duo. I don't know how he did it by himself yesterday, poor thing (ha ha ha ha).

The first 45 minutes was filled with high-pitched screams and acronyms such as OMG, LOL, and BFFL. Well… those were the only ones that I could make out. There were others thrown around that I’m still scratching my head on. Duncan, our black lab, enjoyed Molly’s energy as she spent an hour playing fetch with him, and Gossip, our cat, ran and hid under the bed within the first 5 seconds of them entering the house. It wasn't until the decibel levels returned to normal did she came down to join in the fun.

After we got them settled in we made Gordita’s and sat down for dinner that included conversation topics that I’m sure Chris and I will be spending years talking about – “How was school today?”, “What did you have for lunch?”, “What homework do you have?” etc. After dessert we popped popcorn in the antique-esk home theatre machine (thanks for the Christmas present mom and dad) and watched a PG-13 movie (yes, we’re rebels!) that they claimed they 'watch all the time'… and by the way they were reciting lines and saying, “oh… this is my favorite part coming up”, I guess they were telling the truth.

After the movie, Chris turned on the light show in the Jacuzzi and the girls jumped in. It was a relaxing moment for Chris and the warm water got them tired enough that once they hopped in the bed, they were out like a light.

Two days down… two more to go. I hope we make it! :o)

Official Members of "The Baby-Sitters Club"

Tonight Chris is at Mary Cay's in Easton. I had a late night meeting so I decided to go straight home and not add an additional hour to my already 2 hr commute.

Since we announced our adoption journey, people are willing to help us by loaning their kids to us so we can get use to the diaper changing and feeding/burping routine with their own young ones ;0) I think we're booked with gigs until November 2012.

MC left for Florida and we will have Mollie (10) and Meggy (8) until Monday (okay... so they are not in the diaper changing stages - - I hope). Chris spent the evening with them at their basketball game and tomorrow when they get out of school, he’ll pick them up and they’ll spend the weekend at our house. Chris already made the first mistake of the experience. He was yelling for Meggy as she was going up to make a hoop (that is the correct sports term, right???). Then he hooted and hollered when it went in. It’s a non-competitive, non-yelling league that doesn't even keep score (which, btw, I'm loving. who needs the pressure of winning a sporting event when they're not in High School yet. It's all about learning the game first). He received the look of death by all others attending the game. Oops. Thank God it wasn't me... I would have brought the pom-poms.

Lets see what tomorrow brings…

Now calling number 127,442...

U.S. statistics show than in recent years, up to 127,441 couples/individuals chose to adopt and go through a home study review. I guess we are officially #127,442.

We heard back from an agency that has agreed to do our home study with us. Being that we are not within 30 miles of a major metropolitan area, we have to pay a additional fees cover the cost of travel time, etc. No biggie.

Chris spoke with one of the representatives and explained our story and where we are at in the process with our adoption agency. She was very open and made it a point to state that their agency has experience in same-sex parent adoptions and was excited that we had chosen them to partner with.

The initial materials are in the mail and we should be receiving them any day now. Over the coming days, we will schedule our physicals, arrange our financial documents and request a Police/Criminal Record Check.

Amos & Boris, and Shrek...

Oh My!


Today we met up with Nathan and headed to the Upper East Side to The Jewish Museum to see an Impressionist exhibit, featuring works by Camille Pissarro (which by the way, was amazing and I’m glad we were able to see it since it closes tomorrow). While we were there, the entire first floor was dedicated to showing the creations of William Steig. He is the brilliant cartoonist that had over 1600 pieces published in The New Yorker. Never interested in the magazine growing up, I always admired the cover art when I would see it shelved at a local bookstore or in line at the grocery store. William was also and an award-winning, beloved author of children's books, including Shrek! and Sylvester and the Magic Pebble. I think we had to have spent an hour looking over hundreds of sketches and drawings… many bringing back fond moments of our childhood.

“Oh, how I love Doctor De Soto… he is my of all time favorite!!!”, Nathan whispered with the biggest smile on him face. Seeing the look in his eyes made me wish he was my own… As we walked into the Childrens Learning Center, I couldn’t wait for Chris and I could experience this with our own son/daughter/the twins.

Deal or No deal

Chris and I were in NYC today. While I spent the day working at our Hope Lodge facility, Chris was visiting with Seb, who flew in from California for a couple days. After a visit to Stout, we headed to dinner at "Borough Food and Drink" with Sebs and Alyssa. It was great seeing Seb again. Though the visits are few and far between - seeing that we're on opposites coastlines - each time it seems like it's a normal everyday occurrence. After dinner, Chris leaned over and made me a “baby name” deal. Lets see if:
1) he remembers
2) he follows through
3) he denies it ever happening (ha ha ha ha)

Thank you... we mean it more than you know!

It has been less than 24 hours since announcing to all of you, our friends and family, the amazing news of our adoption process. We can not begin to thank all of you for your warm wishes, thoughts and prayers, suggestions and possible baby names to choose from. The emails, phone calls, text messages and MySpace comments truly bring a smile to our faces and tears to our eyes.Keep them coming! ;o) We're riding this high as long as it last... only because we know that there will be a point where it turns into a waiting game. tick-tock, tick-tock.

To further fill you all in our yesterday’s events, after signing the papers to make it official, Chris and I headed to our American Cancer Society office in Albany to talk with HR about benefits etc. Being greeted with so many smiles definitely put us to ease. I have to say, working for the ACS is truly a blessing. They care about their employees – they talk the talk and walk the walk. As we entered the conference room we quickly noticed on top of all the paper work a baby shirt that read "My Daddy works for the American Cancer Society". The thought of all of this becoming a reality, and not just a discussion, hit me hard. I broke down and Chris quickly followed. There are the moments that make what seems to be a dream very much real. Needless to say, Marilyn (our Benefits guru) walked us through the process giving us leads on where to find additional support. This is what solidifies ACS as one of the top employers in both NJ and NY (and soon to be the U.S.).

So, until we complete the home study process (more to come soon) we will take the caseworker, Mary’s, advice – we will take it slow, we won’t get our hopes up, but we will go get a car seat just in case the call comes in. ;o)

Again, thanks for the well wishes. We, without a doubt, have the best support system anyone could want.

Okay… here we go (deep breath).

As some of you know, we have been talking about starting a family for quite some time. After searching the internet for hours-upon-hours, visiting with adoption agencies, talking with birthmothers who made the decision of having adoptive parents raise their children, researching the option of surrogacy, talking with proud partners of adopted children… we finally came to the moment where we felt prepared to make the decision of which route our journey will take. As one could imagine, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions.

This past fall we traveled to Vermont to meet with one final agency. They hold a weekend retreat for prospective parents. It was truly one of the most humbling experiences as we listened to a birth mother share her adoption story. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. It answered so many questions and left us feeling very confident with the agency.

Well, today, we traveled to the outskirts of Albany, NY to sit down with staff at one of their satellite offices. After asking the remaining questions we had, which probably made us look so inept in the caseworker supervisor’s eyes, we officially started the process to become adoptive dads. We initialed, and initialed and initialed the multi-page agreement, signed the check, shed some tears and realized that our life has officially changed forever.
Over the next 2-3 months, we will be preparing for our home study. The law of every State requires all prospective adoptive parents (no matter how they intend to adopt) to participate in a home study. It is a detailed written report of our family compiled and prepared by a social worker. The adoption home study requires us to gather different documents, answer several questions, and explore our reasons for adopting. We will also be asking some of you to provide letters for our file. Through a series of visits and interviews the social worker hopes to put together a complete picture of who we are and what life is like in our family. During this same time frame, we will be putting together a portfolio, like a photo album with our story, for perspective birthmothers. These books then get distributed to up to 45 different birthmothers throughout the process.
Once the home study and the portfolio are completed, we become “active” and that’s when the wait begins. It could be days, weeks, months or even years… anything can happen. So, with a car seat properly installed in the back seats of our vehicles, we will be waiting by the phone. We may be privy to an instant baby (just add water and walla!). This is when a birthmother delivers a baby and then decides at that moment that adoption is best for her and her baby. She could either ask for portfolios to help her make a decision on who she’d like to raise her child, or have the agency place the child with the family who has the most like qualities. Another opportunity that may present itself to us is we can have a mother choose us at some point during the pregnancy. We would then build a relationship with her and would likely be there at the delivery.
We look forward to what lays ahead of us, and we couldn’t wait to share the exciting news with all of you. We have started our adoption blog and we’d love for you all to subscribe so you can take this journey with us.
Ways you can help:
1) Keep us in your thoughts and prayers… it may be a bumpy ride.
2) Tell all of your friends about us, and our story. The more people that know we’re looking to adopt, the better our chances. Our family at Friends In Adoption informed us that a many of their placement are often through referrals. While you yourself may not know of a birthmother your friends may hear of someone they know.
3) Please look over your pictures and send any you might have of us so we might consider them for our portfolio.



All our love – Paul and Chris







Us, signing the contract with Friends In Adoption